I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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