I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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