yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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