O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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