youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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