woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
