Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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