Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
