I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The Olympian is in my bed
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
