I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
