You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
