If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
