This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
