jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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