I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
