Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
