And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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