I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
