So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
