and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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