if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
