Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
porn star boner night. come get it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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