There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
