I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
