Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
