Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
