My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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