Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
