dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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