Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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