Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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