happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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