im about as happy as oj after his trial
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
