My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
