Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
