Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
