Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
