You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
