We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel like abortions should bother me more
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Randomize
