Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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