I just threw up on my dentist
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
