I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
