Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
