What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Mom said you looked used
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
