Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
