i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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