I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
