oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Less talking, more tequila
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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