is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
