If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
where am i from again
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
