i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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