if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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